The brain desires structure, consistency, and certainty. So often in relationships, especially when they aren’t functioning very well, there is lack of certainty. And there is a lot of “unknowns” and questioning of our partners and of ourselves.
I help people not only create the structure that the brain desires to have and the methods to get there, but also, I help people understand how the brain perceives interactions and conversations so that people can be their best selves and feel completely fulfilled in relationship.
There are tons of amazing tools and books about relationships. Let’s take one example that many people know about – The Love Languages- This is one of my favorite tools to use with couples. It can be quite effective if the couples are in the right mindset but, the problem arises when they are not in that mindset.
Think about this for a minute – Everything is going well in your relationship – you’re communicating and feel loved. It’s very easy to think about the love language your partner needs, and it’s easy to communicate what you’re needing. But now imagine if you’re pissed off or triggered by something they did or said that hurts you. It’s very unlikely that you’re willing to sit down and discuss how you need to be loved. You’re in a protective mode – a fight or flight response where you are defending yourself.
The interesting thing is the brain operates in one of two ways: either in a defensive way, or in an open way
My goal with couples is to understand these brain states so that you can help yourself and your partner. You can be in those more open states more often if you understand the biology of what is happening.